The Miracle Faith Prickly Heat Telethon of Love
[Dr. Edward Daniel Taylor]
Good morning, my brothers and my sisters! Thank you for joining us for the Swirling Eddies Miracle Faith Prickly Heat Telethon of Love, coming to you live from the studios of KRAP in downtown Hollywood, California. As you may or may not have heard, a few nights ago, I--the Reverend Dr. Edward Daniel Taylor--had a dream. You know, it's funny, but it seems that by divine providence, every time I have that chili onion supreme from Wally's Wiener World, I'm visited in this manner. Can I have an amen?
Hahahaha. Anyway, I heard a voice that spoke to me, and it said, "You, my son, are my special anointed, appointed, and disjointed prophet, sent by Me to heal My people of this hellish affliction known as the prickly heat." He also said that the Swirling Eddies were not charting high enough and that He wanted me to host this radio telethon to raise money for this noble cause, and to test the faith of His people, and get the Eddies out of the can with the record label. I was told I needed $10,000 if I'm gonna make this thing work, and that if we didn't reach this divinely inspired faith goal, our ministry would go off the air, and the Great Commission would go unfulfilled, and the End Times would have to be postponed, and all those people who wrote all those books would be scoffed at, and Phil Donohue would become president, and Robert Tilton would make it to prime time and whip Cosby in the ratings. And worst of all, brothers and sisters, He would dissolve all our record contracts and call the Eddies home.
You can see by the urgency of our situation, we need your help now! For ten thousand--I mean, a $10--pledge, you can be assured of being healed of an ingrown toenail. For a mere $25, you can get rid of that troublesome prickly heat. For $35, you can get rid of that Frisbee finger. And for $100, you can kiss your festering gumboil goodbye!