 Fight Satan with your cell phone! |
Rippin' Richie 
Dark Steamy Cabbage
Registration Date: 07-22-2008
Posts: 12
Location: Greer, SC
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| Fight Satan with your cell phone! |
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This is a real press release. It sounds like a Dr Taylor skit.
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Christian Man Uses Cell Phones to Evangelize NEW YORK, Dec. 3 /Christian Newswire/ -- While waiting in line at the bank yesterday, all around were cell phones ringing non-inspiration, meaningless noise. It made me think that Jesus would not like these lyrics that seem not appropriate to be broadcast by cell phones, especially at the Christian credit union.
It seems that all around us now a days, there are cell phones ringing ungodly, intrusive, or satanic ring tones that misdirect people who are in need of hope and faith? Just look around and one can come to the realization that, Satan is taking over the world using cell phones. With that in mind, we must fight fire with fire, and use the cell phones as modern Christian armor. A cell phone in the hands of a good Christian is a powerful weapon against Satan.
Knowing that the spiritual battle has now come down to using the cell phone to spread God's word, it made perfect sense that the next stop after the bank was the Sprint store. It was time to upgrade to a high-bred cell phone. After testing a bunch of phones, the Motorola V950 was definitely the best sounding. Now it was time to go home and start searching the web for some Christian and Christmas ring tones. Right away I landed the mother load of quality Christian ringers, www.ChristmasRingtunes.com.
After reading some news articles about www.ChristmasRingtunes.com, it was obvious that this is a honest company, working for Jesus, and dedicated to the Emmanuel Orphanages of Tijuana. A nice feature is that there is no subscription required, and you can download one ringtune at a time with no other commitments. A really positive feature is the profits from www.ChristmasRingtunes.com goes into the Emmanuel Orphanage fence building fund. Also it is free to preview over fifty great Christian and Christmas ring tunes. After researching the Emmanuel Orphanage, I found some information on them. They are a non-denominational Christian ministry that provides homes, education, medical care and love to nearly 150 children rescued from the streets of Tijuana. It houses young boys from age 5 - 18 years of age. In 2006, Emmanuel Orphanage opened the first facility for homeless and sexually exploited girls. When a person downloads from www.ChristmasRingtunes.com, the Orphanage is one step closer to having a fence that is desperately needed to protect the children. |
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01-22-2009 14:54 |
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joey
Platyhelminth
Registration Date: 01-08-2003
Posts: 7,231
Location: the biggest fans are often the biggest critics ... sometimes taken as complaining ... get used to it. :P - mountain fan
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 RE: Fight Satan with your cell phone! |
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i prefer spamming for Jesus! 
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01-22-2009 15:00 |
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servantsteve
Disjasked Lerna
Registration Date: 07-02-2002
Posts: 4,168
Location: Ole Virginny
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Take your cell phone to the ungodly and let Jesus ring!
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01-23-2009 07:49 |
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jiminy
Tallowy Tamale
Registration Date: 11-16-2002
Posts: 9,494
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this is an actual congregational hymn I endured hearing while in M.S.R. (Maximun Security Religion)
After the first hearing- I refused to sing it aloud.
We all have our place where the wall DOES come up..
so - this idea aint new- this was written in 1919
the Royal Telephone
Central’s never “busy,” always on the line;
You may hear from heaven almost any time;
’Tis a royal service, free for one and all;
When you get in trouble, give this royal line a call.
Refrain:
Telephone to glory, oh, what joy divine!
I can feel the current moving on the line,
Built by God the Father for His loved and own,
We may talk to Jesus through this royal telephone.
There will be no charges, telephone is free,
It was built for service, just for you and me;
There will be no waiting on this royal line,
Telephone to glory always answers just in time.
Fail to get the answer, Satan’s crossed your wire,
By some strong delusion, or some base desire;
Take away obstructions, God is on the throne,
And you’ll get your answer through this royal telephone.
If your line is “grounded,” and connection true
Has been lost with Jesus, tell you what to do:
Prayer and faith and promise mend the broken wire,
Till your soul is burning with the Pentecostal fire.
Carnal combinations cannot get control
Of this line to glory, anchored in the soul;
Storm and trial cannot disconnect the line,
Held in constant keeping by the Father’s hand divine.
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jiMinY
theres nothing to EVER put here that will please everyone-let alone anyone.
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01-23-2009 08:44 |
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joey
Platyhelminth
Registration Date: 01-08-2003
Posts: 7,231
Location: the biggest fans are often the biggest critics ... sometimes taken as complaining ... get used to it. :P - mountain fan
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my cellphone was left in my jeans pocket in the wash last nigt... 
how can i fight satan? 
i am praying over it that Jesus will raise it from the dead! 
or hopefully it just needs to dry out...........
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01-23-2009 08:58 |
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servantsteve
Disjasked Lerna
Registration Date: 07-02-2002
Posts: 4,168
Location: Ole Virginny
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Perhaps your phone needs a new body and a new soul!
If so, you'll have to sign a new contract
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01-23-2009 09:37 |
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Ritchie_az
Ceremonial Kernel
Registration Date: 07-02-2008
Posts: 2,139
Location: Arizona
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You know He calls you long distance
No doubt He's dropped you a line
On the line to you, on the line to you
Dropping a line to you, especially for you
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So I can type anything I want here? No?
My Photography Blog
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01-23-2009 09:57 |
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Ron E
Platyhelminth
Registration Date: 03-12-2002
Posts: 5,610
Location: Central Ontario Canada
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I took a swim with a cell phone... it never recovered... though maybe I didn't know cpr well enough.
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The opinion expressed is that of the participant and does not necessarily reflect that of Mr Dan Amos. But if it doesn't, he would be wrong.
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01-23-2009 11:09 |
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MarkyMark77
Woolly Eggwhisk
Registration Date: 10-11-2002
Posts: 512
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| my cellphone was left in my jeans pocket in the wash last nigt... |
Satan will be running roughshod all over you, my friend.
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01-23-2009 11:41 |
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DwDunphy
Ceremonial Kernel
Registration Date: 08-18-2003
Posts: 1,817
Location: Red Bank, New Jersey
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I have no cell phone. I plan to never have a cellphone. Is this a darkness of the soul?
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01-23-2009 12:41 |
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joey
Platyhelminth
Registration Date: 01-08-2003
Posts: 7,231
Location: the biggest fans are often the biggest critics ... sometimes taken as complaining ... get used to it. :P - mountain fan
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| quote: |
Originally posted by servantsteve
Perhaps your phone needs a new body and a new soul!
If so, you'll have to sign a new contract |
i'm still under a contract!
of course i didn't pay extra for the extended warranty............ 
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01-23-2009 12:50 |
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servantsteve
Disjasked Lerna
Registration Date: 07-02-2002
Posts: 4,168
Location: Ole Virginny
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Sucks to be you
Maybe you can sue someone, or everyone! Who made the washing machine- they're going down! They didn't warn you! What about the water? It wasn't properly purified! And the cell phone? It should have been watertight! This is definately someone's fault, but not your fault! Why were your jean's pockets big enough for a cell phone? That's just not right! Why didn't your cell phone beep to let you know you going to make a big mistake. And what about the audioris? I'm sure they had something to do with this! Did your parents teach you proper cell phone usage? Did your wife wash your jeans? Whayt kind of soap was used? Society demands we wash our clothes to "fit in" that's disenfranchisement! Get your bailout, biy, you are a bona fide victim, here!!!!
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01-23-2009 13:04 |
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jiminy
Tallowy Tamale
Registration Date: 11-16-2002
Posts: 9,494
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| quote: |
Originally posted by joey
my cellphone was left in my jeans pocket in the wash last nigt...
how can i fight satan?
i am praying over it that Jesus will raise it from the dead!
or hopefully it just needs to dry out........... |
my camera faced the same fate last weekend- (still in a denim tote)
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jiMinY
theres nothing to EVER put here that will please everyone-let alone anyone.
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01-23-2009 13:21 |
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servantsteve
Disjasked Lerna
Registration Date: 07-02-2002
Posts: 4,168
Location: Ole Virginny
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The common thread is denim! Denim is of the debil!
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01-23-2009 13:24 |
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Mountain Fan
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 10-09-2003
Posts: 14,224
Location: NC, Alive and Kicking, BOBD
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a true christian would not have loud ringtones of any type in public because they would be considerate of others around them and leave it on vibrate 
i make the habit now of leaving it on vibrate if i have it on my belt and putting the ring back on when i take it off at night. my favorite was my last phone that would do "vibe & ring" where it did 4 rings on vibe BEFORE ringing any. that way, it was more forgiving of us forgetful folks - we could silence it quickly if in a place where a ringer would be annoying and the call could not be taken OR it would start ringing so that you could hear it if you had already taken it off your person.
i guess i just don't get ringtones all that much - if you wanna hear a song, why not listen to some music? to me, it is more of a way to show-off to others instead of using it as a tool. heck, our phones now have built-in MP3 players. 
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Got a few miles left ...
Make sure you have heard a Kind Word!
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01-23-2009 13:31 |
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servantsteve
Disjasked Lerna
Registration Date: 07-02-2002
Posts: 4,168
Location: Ole Virginny
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| quote: |
Originally posted by Mountain Fan
a true christian would not have loud ringtones of any type in public because they would be considerate of others around them and leave it on vibrate
i make the habit now of leaving it on vibrate if i have it on my belt and putting the ring back on when i take it off at night. my favorite was my last phone that would do "vibe & ring" where it did 4 rings on vibe BEFORE ringing any. that way, it was more forgiving of us forgetful folks - we could silence it quickly if in a place where a ringer would be annoying and the call could not be taken OR it would start ringing so that you could hear it if you had already taken it off your person.
i guess i just don't get ringtones all that much - if you wanna hear a song, why not listen to some music? to me, it is more of a way to show-off to others instead of using it as a tool. heck, our phones now have built-in MP3 players.
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You are a true Christian. How might we all be saved? Please post on the Lost thread.
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01-23-2009 13:34 |
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Mountain Fan
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 10-09-2003
Posts: 14,224
Location: NC, Alive and Kicking, BOBD
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| quote: |
Originally posted by servantsteve
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Originally posted by Mountain Fan
a true christian would not have loud ringtones of any type in public because they would be considerate of others around them and leave it on vibrate
i make the habit now of leaving it on vibrate if i have it on my belt and putting the ring back on when i take it off at night. my favorite was my last phone that would do "vibe & ring" where it did 4 rings on vibe BEFORE ringing any. that way, it was more forgiving of us forgetful folks - we could silence it quickly if in a place where a ringer would be annoying and the call could not be taken OR it would start ringing so that you could hear it if you had already taken it off your person.
i guess i just don't get ringtones all that much - if you wanna hear a song, why not listen to some music? to me, it is more of a way to show-off to others instead of using it as a tool. heck, our phones now have built-in MP3 players.
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You are a true Christian. How might we all be saved? Please post on the Lost thread. |
drink 2 gallons of washwater with tide and clorox
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Got a few miles left ...
Make sure you have heard a Kind Word!
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01-23-2009 13:41 |
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servantsteve
Disjasked Lerna
Registration Date: 07-02-2002
Posts: 4,168
Location: Ole Virginny
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Can you hear me now?
If you have gotten an electronic device wet, you should not try to turn it on until it has completely dried out. If no electricity is applied while it is wet, it probably won't be damaged. The electricians at the shipyard would take circuit cards and hose them down in the men's room once they were removed from the equipment. If they let them air dry a few days, they would work fine when reassembled.
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01-23-2009 14:30 |
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