 i got a keyboard...and i feel serious...  |
dennis 
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 09-19-2002
Posts: 13,303
Location: In not-quite earth, in not-quite heaven.
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__________________
I'm talkin' bout the Vinyl , the Holy Vinyl.
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12-08-2004 06:54 |
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Woggy
Platyhelminth
Registration Date: 03-13-2002
Posts: 6,079
Location: "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." ~~ Albert Einstein
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You have been blessed...........because you found this place.
You WILL find honesty, maybe even comfort, here.
Speaking of alcoholics, and that particular struggle, I was (am still) married to one for over 25 years. I left him about 4 years ago - to get away from his insanity, which was making me insane. He is a lovely man, deep inside, but an ugly one outside. My only prayer, now, for his life is that he finds peace...........I could not give him that.
You said that the only "honest" folks are the drunks in the bars - and I would like to comment on that without making you feel bad. Please don't take this personally, because quite honestly, I've been in that place a thousand times..........I still enjoy adult beverages, but don't believe I have an alcohol problem. Anyway - having been around drunks of all kinds, I guess I wouldn't use the word "honest" to describe much of what they have to say. Maybe wishful thinking is better, or grandiose plans and purposes, or bravado.......but honesty? Oh yes, there are touches of it all over their conversations - but truly honest people don't hide behind booze or drugs or church or people or money or clothes or jobs............you get the idea.
I am SO truly blessed to attend a church that IS real...................we are a smaller congregation, often struggling with money and other 'stuff', but there is real love, open honesty, true friendships. It's a rare place - and I have come not only to love this "church", but more importantly, to love its people. My pastor knows about my life - and has seen both my husband and i at our worst - and he still loves us. Sure, there are those who would condemn........but I've not felt that in this place. It's wonderful, and I know how rare that truly is.
I have felt great separation from God.........because of how my marriage has turned out, and because I am often angry with Him for not FIXING it. But, even at those times, I know He is not separated from ME.......and that there will always be the ebb and flow of this thing called 'faith' between us.
I have felt that great unholy vastness of depression.........that deep guilt of living a life quite unlike the 'typical' Christian (while still going to church, mind you.) I, for years, put on the happy face - while underneath, the sewer of drugs and alcohol and pain and sickness was rampant in my life. Even at THOSE times, I felt connected to this 'church', to these people. And eventually, I talked to a few of them about these deep times..........feeling secure that they would still love me. They did - they do.
What I have found, as I've gone through this life, is that NO ONE and nothing can separate you from the love of the One who MADE you. Does He care that you drink too much? Probably - because it's not good for your health, or maybe not good for your mind. But does He scorn you because of this? No - never. I know that my husband loves the Lord........he speaks of Him often, most often when he's drinking. BUT, what he does is "use" his Christianity to make ME feel guilty and bad.........after all, I LEFT him, I'm a bad wife, a naughty Christian. Often, drunks are the worst in judging others.
So, Josh, I hope I haven't hurt you - that's not my intent. You have to deal with your own skeletons .................. but remember that there are those in your world who might be hurting FOR you, and wanting a better life for you.
God bless you, hold you, keep you.
Polly
a.k.a. Woggy
__________________
1 John 2:6
Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.
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12-08-2004 11:03 |
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joey
Platyhelminth
Registration Date: 01-08-2003
Posts: 7,231
Location: the biggest fans are often the biggest critics ... sometimes taken as complaining ... get used to it. :P - mountain fan
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Dear God:::
Words and Music by Mike Stand
Dear God - the streets are home tonight
Oh - it hurts to be alive
See I havn't got a thing but these clothes on my back
All tattered and torn
I curse the day that I was born
Just look at me now
I walk in shame another lost forgotten name
Chorus:
Dear God - the world cries with me
A single innocent request
To give mercy to all
As we stand and fall, Dear God
Dear God - bless Mommy and Daddy
Please make them stop fighting
With every scream it just tears me apart
How I love them so
They never hug and kiss each other anymore
Like they used to do not long ago
Please make it like it was before
Chorus
Dear God - the tears flow out to you
Who else can I turn to?
See I'm stuck in this life, I've chosen for my own
Everybody knows, I sell myself, anything goes
It's empty here, I've chosen wrong
They call it love, I call it null
Chorus
__________________
facebook
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12-08-2004 11:16 |
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Woggy
Platyhelminth
Registration Date: 03-13-2002
Posts: 6,079
Location: "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." ~~ Albert Einstein
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Wow, Joey.......
those are some sad lyrics
__________________
1 John 2:6
Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.
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12-08-2004 11:43 |
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jiminy
Tallowy Tamale
Registration Date: 11-16-2002
Posts: 9,494
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hOLY caRP...
Josh -
am glad you found this haven (heaven?) for thats what it is.
This has been my church for a while now- cuz its fellowship, friendship, prayers, laughs, and honesty all in one-
Come on in - the waters fine.
Prayers for you- For what exactly?
- I have hardly a clue-
but He knows.
__________________
jiMinY
theres nothing to EVER put here that will please everyone-let alone anyone.
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12-08-2004 12:29 |
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Eleanor
Platyhelminth
Registration Date: 03-13-2002
Posts: 5,111
Location: NFP
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| quote: |
Originally posted by jiminy
Prayers for you- For what exactly?
- I have hardly a clue-
but He knows. |
I'm with JimIny on this one
025
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12-08-2004 13:01 |
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josh
Normal Noggin
Registration Date: 12-05-2004
Posts: 7
Location: ohio
Thread Starter 
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i have to say,
i am an obsessive music fan and daniel amos is amoung the best.
i was drunk and loose on the internet and figured i'd check the daniel amos site for info....
found this board.....signed in, and just started talking.
it was the uninhibited ranting of my heart,brain,trouble and confusion.
you say the things i said anywhere else, you may be despised.
here is where some of the meat is....the love of Christ shown by his people.
i apologize for introducing my self while drunk....although i don't take back what i said.
i feel very strongly about alot of these things as i can't stop the relentless thinking of my brain.
i just can't believe how all of you have treated me. it's wonderful...and it makes me accountable....and at least i was honest.
i stayed away for a while because i was ashamed. i'm sorry.
....funny how you can feel people praying for you....i can't put my finger on the description of the feeling....kinda like faith,huh?
it's time to end this crap.
a depressed person typically gets swallowed up in their pain and becomes self absorbed without even knowing it...that is part of the sickness.
part of getting up out of that is having concern for others...and acting....as you have done.
as it is now, i am a spiritual father to two people in the faith...and have neglected them.
they trust me more than anyone....
heavy.
all of your words are encouraging,the demons will fall one by one...
now i want to know you people better....this is part of the church i know after all.
i want to pray for you to.
life isn't all peaches and cherries for anyone....
under the grace,
josh
__________________
this will pop up again and again and will be annoying.
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12-22-2004 00:52 |
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Audiori J
Administrator
Registration Date: 11-27-2004
Posts: 7,728
Location: "Clowns to the left of me! Jokers to the right! Here I AM stuck in the middle with you." - Stealers Wheel
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Welcome josh,
I have a couple of thoughts the first being that God will never
allow things into your life that you can't handle. He has equiped
each of us with the tools to deal with the struggles he allows,
finding strength and encouragement through prayer and
fellowship with other believers makes the fight a lot easier.
Finding the fellowship is the hardest part because as we all
have experienced, most people that actually attend Church
still hold up the fake mask as a security device.
(Here on the DA MessageBoard it's a different story, we all
know we all have problems, no point hiding.)
But I would say the most important reason for going to Church
is to get the Word from God. God will use the pastors message
on the Gospel sometimes to speak directly to us and may very
well be the tools you are looking for.
In the area of fellowship I would say, try to get into a group
of people that might be a little smaller, a sunday school class
or Bible study of some kind. It's easier to get to know some
people...much like here... in a setting of less than 10 or 12.
Keep in mind those people may need something from
you as much as you need something from them. It might take
your honesty to get them to open up.
And lastly, our pastor said something a week ago that stuck
in my mind. It's simple and I knew it before, but not phrased
that way. He was talking about people who are too busy to
go to Church or pray or read their Bible or anyone that has some
obstacle or excuse that they think is so important. Like a job,
or whatever...he said; "Do you really want God to take away
your job to get your attention?"
Whatever we put up, our little idols, God will remove one way
or another. And it's true. You, me and everyone has to work
to remove those things that get between us and God or He
will work to remove it.
__________________
"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence." ~ Robert Frost
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12-22-2004 08:44 |
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dorfsmith
Grand Encephalon
Registration Date: 03-24-2002
Posts: 28,142
Location: Everybody needs a persicom
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| quote: |
Originally posted by josh
i have to say,
i am an obsessive music fan and daniel amos is amoung the best.
i was drunk and loose on the internet and figured i'd check the daniel amos site for info....
found this board.....signed in, and just started talking.
it was the uninhibited ranting of my heart,brain,trouble and confusion.
you say the things i said anywhere else, you may be despised.
here is where some of the meat is....the love of Christ shown by his people.
i apologize for introducing my self while drunk....although i don't take back what i said.
i feel very strongly about alot of these things as i can't stop the relentless thinking of my brain.
i just can't believe how all of you have treated me. it's wonderful...and it makes me accountable....and at least i was honest.
i stayed away for a while because i was ashamed. i'm sorry.
....funny how you can feel people praying for you....i can't put my finger on the description of the feeling....kinda like faith,huh?
it's time to end this crap.
a depressed person typically gets swallowed up in their pain and becomes self absorbed without even knowing it...that is part of the sickness.
part of getting up out of that is having concern for others...and acting....as you have done.
as it is now, i am a spiritual father to two people in the faith...and have neglected them.
they trust me more than anyone....
heavy.
all of your words are encouraging,the demons will fall one by one...
now i want to know you people better....this is part of the church i know after all.
i want to pray for you to.
life isn't all peaches and cherries for anyone....
under the grace,
josh |
Good to see you back josh
__________________
http://www.google.com
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12-22-2004 15:49 |
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Eis
Official Impasto
Registration Date: 03-18-2002
Posts: 3,470
Location: One too many mornings and a thousand miles behind...
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| quote: |
Originally posted by dorfsmith
| quote: |
Originally posted by josh
i have to say,
i am an obsessive music fan and daniel amos is amoung the best.
i was drunk and loose on the internet and figured i'd check the daniel amos site for info....
found this board.....signed in, and just started talking.
it was the uninhibited ranting of my heart,brain,trouble and confusion.
you say the things i said anywhere else, you may be despised.
here is where some of the meat is....the love of Christ shown by his people.
i apologize for introducing my self while drunk....although i don't take back what i said.
i feel very strongly about alot of these things as i can't stop the relentless thinking of my brain.
i just can't believe how all of you have treated me. it's wonderful...and it makes me accountable....and at least i was honest.
i stayed away for a while because i was ashamed. i'm sorry.
....funny how you can feel people praying for you....i can't put my finger on the description of the feeling....kinda like faith,huh?
it's time to end this crap.
a depressed person typically gets swallowed up in their pain and becomes self absorbed without even knowing it...that is part of the sickness.
part of getting up out of that is having concern for others...and acting....as you have done.
as it is now, i am a spiritual father to two people in the faith...and have neglected them.
they trust me more than anyone....
heavy.
all of your words are encouraging,the demons will fall one by one...
now i want to know you people better....this is part of the church i know after all.
i want to pray for you to.
life isn't all peaches and cherries for anyone....
under the grace,
josh |
Good to see you back josh
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Ditto and Amen. Good to see you back, Josh.
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12-22-2004 22:39 |
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dennis
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 09-19-2002
Posts: 13,303
Location: In not-quite earth, in not-quite heaven.
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hey josh, we are all pretty human here, no worries.
__________________
I'm talkin' bout the Vinyl , the Holy Vinyl.
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12-23-2004 06:33 |
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bereal
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 03-08-2004
Posts: 11,824
Location: "I still love Jesus, I'm just afraid of His followers." DwDunphy
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| quote: |
Originally posted by Audiori J
...
In the area of fellowship I would say, try to get into a group
of people that might be a little smaller, a sunday school class
or Bible study of some kind. It's easier to get to know some
people...much like here... in a setting of less than 10 or 12.
Keep in mind those people may need something from
you as much as you need something from them. It might take
your honesty to get them to open up.
...
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Welcome back josh! 
This is so true. Just last night, I experienced this very thing. Today being Christmas, I have been fretting about my mother. She is dating a man who has a questionable history, and MF called her earlier in the week to let her know that we didn't really want him here on Christmas. She was mad and told him that she just wanted to talk to me (I guess she thought she might be able to talk me out of the decision). There is a lady in our home group that also has a mother who doesn't consider anyone but herself in her decisions. We saw her at the candle-light service last night. I told her I really needed to talk to her and asked if it would be okay to call her. She said that she would be going straight home and once she got the kids in bed she'd be wrapping presents and she'd be glad to talk to me. I waited a little while and called her. She shared her latest capers with her mother and I shared mine. I know she encouraged me greatly, and I can only hope I was of some encouragement to her. It was just great to know that we were able to be there for each other. And who knows if she may hit a tough spot someday and need that same encouragement and feel comfortable calling me because I reached out. (Result of situation with my mother: she didn't come here on Christmas day ~ said she just went and bought food to fix for dinner after she talked to MF the other night and she'd just try to come up one day next week. I was fine with that partly because my friend had encouraged me that we may be better off if she doesn't come on Christmas day, even without him, because she will make sure to let us know how upset she is about this issue.)
Of course, after struggling with church because no one was reaching out to me, I am a little encouraged. And before I left last night, several people gave me a hug and wished me a Merry Christmas before I had the chance to reach out to them. Still seems like there are a lot of surface relationships, but some of that is the busyness of our society. I guess I just have to do what God has called me to do and not worry about the rest. I guess that's what we all have to do! 
And ditto to dennis!
__________________
Holy God break me, Holy Lord take me
Lay your crushing hand, Your mighty hand, On me gently
Your crushing hand, Your mighty hand, On me gently
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12-25-2004 19:11 |
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