 An Open Letter To All Swirling Eddies Fans  |
Camarillo Eddy
Swirling Eddies
Registration Date: 09-18-2006
Posts: 28
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| An Open Letter To All Swirling Eddies Fans |
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AN OPEN LETTER TO ALL SWIRLING EDDIES FANS
FROM CAMARILLO EDDY
Alright, listen up you ungrateful, whiney bunch of…er…I mean..my brothers and sisters in Christ;
Okay, I admit I blew it. Long, long ago, somewhere around sixty A.D., I committed to recording a brand new Eddies record, got you to send in your hard earned green-backs in advance to finance it, then suddenly found myself chasing after filthy lucre at a real job in order to feed my family. Now here we are several centuries later and still no Eddies record. God knows that for some of you, like the Israelites in the wilderness, grumbling has become a fine art, but for heavens sake stop it with the conspiracy theories already! I assure you that, contrary to what a couple of knuckleheads are postulating, none of your money was diverted to other projects---not Daniel Amos, not The Lost Dogs, not The Right Reverend Edward Daniel Taylor’s Miracle Pocket. So whoever the couple of pinheads are that are stirrin’ the dog duty here, let me say that I seem to recall a little scripture that talks about God hating anyone who sows discord among the brethren---which makes it okay for me to hate you to. Keep it up, and I’ll send Hort and Berger over to your houses to sew your faces to your groin regions.
You have my word that The Eddies project is still on, and frankly I want to get it in the can probably more than you do---not because I think it’s gonna be great (it will be) but because I just can’t stand the pressure of another round of “where’s the Eddies record? every time I walk in the door. My wife and kids just don’t know how to back off! I actually pushed an old lady down the other day who got in my face about it. Of course I apologized, but Mom was having none of it. She got up, held a hanky to her bloody head wound and walked off all in a huff.
By the way, since there definitely is going to be a new Eddies record, for Pete’s sake quit picking on the poor Townsend brothers or I’ll else let them have your money to do solo records instead---How would you like that?! Or else I’ll give them permission to claim they’re my cousins and are now the official Eddies. How ‘bout a worship album featuring The Evil Eddie Twins instead? In fact I’ve got the Townsends writing songs just in case I decide to go with this little plan. One of the numbers is entitled “God Makes Me Giggle.” They’re working on another one called “ I Didn’t wear Pants to the Bible Study.” Jason sings like Wayne Newton in an Iron lung, and Eric farts in time. You want that, huh?! Keep it up dillwads.
Look, I hate myself for making you guys wait, but it’s not like I clunked you in the head, burgled your house , kicked your dog and stole your car. Now I’m not going to ask you again for your patience, because I know that died long ago along with your First Love. Instead, I’m praying that you’ll receive strong delusion so that you think the last Eddie’s record is actually the new Eddie’s record and that you need to send more money for a brand new Eddie’s record, an Eddie’s box-set, and a feature film. And let me ask: Do you actually think your paltry pre-sales money will pay for an entire recording session? Eddy sessions are fully catered affairs---choice steaks, caviar, rare expensive wines, full service wet bar, exotic dishes and deserts, and a fully loaded salad bar. And that’s just for Spot! I won’t even go into what Gene Pool requires, except to say it ain’t Honey in the Rock, or gleanings from the wheat fields my friends!
Yes, I know that that whole $20 you sent in eons ago destroyed your nest egg and could have gone toward the purchase of a small popcorn and a box of Goobers at the local premier of “Beerfest,” but does that really warrant accusing me and the Townsends of fraud? Shame on you! The Townsends, if nothing else, are two of the most humble servants you’re ever likely to meet. In fact the last time I was at Cornerstone, they personally flew out in their private jets to meet me, then purchased a Rolls Royce in Macomb and hired a driver to transport yours truly to and from the festival site. When I asked for Jason’s coat (fur of course), he gave me his diamond studded pants to go along with it. Now there’s a servant! How dare you question my friends integrity!! Sure, I admit I was a tad taken aback when they kept lighting their Cuban cigars with twenty dollar bills from an attaché case labeled “ Fan Money Specifically Designated For The New Eddie’s Record,” but they quickly dispelled whatever consternation I expressed by assuring me that they too are fans and that this was their own personal money inside the case (to be restocked later) and that it was money for the new Eddie’s record that will be made right after this new record we haven’t done yet---all of which I probably shouldn’t have told any of you, because now you’ll be complaining that the second new record is late too. I’m actually thinking about recording the second new record first in order to get you off my back about the first new record, and maybe even giving it the same title I was gonna give the first one and calling the first new record something else entirely so that you’ll never even know the difference. So back off! I’m sorry okay?
Maybe I’ll just retire and let Bill Gaither take over the band.
Love,
Camarillo
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09-18-2006 13:39 |
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Mountain Fan 
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 10-09-2003
Posts: 14,224
Location: NC, Alive and Kicking, BOBD
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WOW! Camarillo is getting in top form! I can't wait! 
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Got a few miles left ...
Make sure you have heard a Kind Word! 
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09-18-2006 14:05 |
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sondance
Ceremonial Kernel
Registration Date: 05-04-2006
Posts: 1,815
Location: sittin' on the dock of the bay
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| RE: An Open Letter To All Swirling Eddies Fans |
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Gaither and the Eddies - my dream band !!
Not a dream I hope to repeat of course...
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Though I have become like a wineskin in the smoke,
I do not forget your statutes.
Psalm 119:83
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09-18-2006 14:26 |
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Lur King
Ceremonial Kernel
Registration Date: 04-10-2003
Posts: 1,512
Location: on a throne of course
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I'm back in the sea... Dodo/Lurker ~ My MySpace
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09-18-2006 14:31 |
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Woggy
Platyhelminth
Registration Date: 03-13-2002
Posts: 6,079
Location: "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." ~~ Albert Einstein
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Wow, that was...................
amazing.
i'm swirling............................
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1 John 2:6
Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.
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09-18-2006 14:37 |
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dorfsmith
Grand Encephalon
Registration Date: 03-24-2002
Posts: 28,142
Location: Everybody needs a persicom
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I've been trying to get the Townsends to record an album for a long time
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http://www.google.com
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09-18-2006 14:48 |
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Mountain Fan
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 10-09-2003
Posts: 14,224
Location: NC, Alive and Kicking, BOBD
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09-18-2006 14:54 |
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dennis
Ubique Epoque
Registration Date: 09-19-2002
Posts: 13,303
Location: In not-quite earth, in not-quite heaven.
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Hooray!
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I'm talkin' bout the Vinyl , the Holy Vinyl.
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09-18-2006 15:52 |
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Pfiagra
A Hot Wolly
Registration Date: 04-26-2002
Posts: 408
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| RE: An Open Letter To All Swirling Eddies Fans |
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| quote: |
Originally posted by Camarillo Eddy
They’re working on another one called “ I Didn’t wear Pants to the Bible Study.” Jason sings like Wayne Newton in an Iron lung, and Eric farts in time. You want that, huh?! Keep it up dillwads.
When I asked for Jason’s coat (fur of course), he gave me his diamond studded pants to go along with it. |
Seems as if the audi bros (or at least Jason) have some sort of fetish about not wearing pants!
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"Lord, beer me strength"
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09-18-2006 17:18 |
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Audiori J
Administrator
Registration Date: 11-27-2004
Posts: 7,728
Location: "Clowns to the left of me! Jokers to the right! Here I AM stuck in the middle with you." - Stealers Wheel
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Million Dollar diamond studded pants are not made for comfort.
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"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence." ~ Robert Frost
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09-18-2006 17:27 |
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Pfiagra
A Hot Wolly
Registration Date: 04-26-2002
Posts: 408
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| quote: |
Originally posted by Audiori J
Million Dollar diamond studded pants are not made for comfort. |
"But officer, you completely misunderstand...I had to take them off...the chafing on my thighs was unbearable!"
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"Lord, beer me strength"
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09-18-2006 17:39 |
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jiminy
Tallowy Tamale
Registration Date: 11-16-2002
Posts: 9,494
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Yes, I know that that whole $20 you sent in eons ago destroyed your nest egg and could have gone toward the purchase of a small popcorn and a box of Goobers at the local premier of “Beerfest,”
I think it was these bird droppings that really destroyed it!
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jiMinY
theres nothing to EVER put here that will please everyone-let alone anyone.
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09-18-2006 17:47 |
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Scrimshaw Nick
Official Impasto
Registration Date: 03-13-2002
Posts: 2,527
Location: "Bad news, Mom. I promised my soul to the devil this afternoon." "Oh? That recently?" ~ Calvin and Hobbes
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I could live with bird droppings. It's dorf droppings that ruined my life. 
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It's too horrible to recount on the Message Boards 
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Somebody cured my political apathy but I'm not allowed to say who it is in a signature on the Message Boards
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09-18-2006 18:41 |
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dorfsmith
Grand Encephalon
Registration Date: 03-24-2002
Posts: 28,142
Location: Everybody needs a persicom
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Sorry about that 
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http://www.google.com
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09-18-2006 18:54 |
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Scrimshaw Nick
Official Impasto
Registration Date: 03-13-2002
Posts: 2,527
Location: "Bad news, Mom. I promised my soul to the devil this afternoon." "Oh? That recently?" ~ Calvin and Hobbes
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Not as sorry as I am. 
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A dorf a day is more than God ever intended for anyone on the Message Boards
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Somebody cured my political apathy but I'm not allowed to say who it is in a signature on the Message Boards
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09-18-2006 19:01 |
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dorfsmith
Grand Encephalon
Registration Date: 03-24-2002
Posts: 28,142
Location: Everybody needs a persicom
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heh heh
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http://www.google.com
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09-18-2006 19:07 |
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Eis
Official Impasto
Registration Date: 03-18-2002
Posts: 3,470
Location: One too many mornings and a thousand miles behind...
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| quote: |
Originally posted by Scrimshaw Nick
Not as sorry as I am.
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A dorf a day is more than God ever intended for anyone on the Message Boards
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09-18-2006 22:29 |
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JR88
Disjasked Lerna
Registration Date: 05-01-2003
Posts: 4,896
Location: The Earth Household.
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I have not frenched once
Now where the BLASTED record Eddy!!
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09-18-2006 23:02 |
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Classic
