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Posted by Andrew on 10-01-2002 at16:55:

  Tim and Berger on the DADL

Here is the latest

it just gets weirder....
this bit of ...um, "interview" with berger roy al was unpublished except for
appearing on an obscure internet site that no longer exists. it was sent to me
anonomously, and certain details were filled in by whoever sent it, but i
believe it's from a legitimate music publication in holland, michigan.

(Sounds: berger and the interviewer sitting, starting the interview.)

Berger: Touch my hair.

V: What?

Berger: Nothing, go ahead.

V: ...Berger, please tell us--

Berger jumps to his feet, does two jumping jacks as he yells "Shorts!" and sits
back down.

Prolonged silence. Finally:

V: ...um, so, Mr. Roy Al, tell us about--

Berger immediately starts crying--and can't stop.

V: (unsure what to do. eventually--) Berger? What's wrong?!--

Berger: (immediately stops crying) What. Nothing. I'm sure I don't know what you
mean.

Silence.

V: ...um...talk a little about your favorite style of--

Berger: Are you my mommy?

V: What?!!

["V," as far as we know, is "Vernon," a 41 year old, male, auto mechanic from
Holland Michigan.]

V: (nervous) Why would you--?-Of course n--ok...let's--

Berger: RRRRRRRRRRRRROWF! RARF!!

V: ...uh...

[At this point, Berger interlaces his fingers behind his head, crosses his legs,
leans back in his chair, smiles...

and falls backwards off a platform, smashing a table and chairs.]

Berger: (unintelligible screaming/moaning/hollering.)

V stares as Berger crawls back up and takes another chair to try to finish the
interview.

Berger: (sitting) Why did you push me!?

V: What?!--I didn't--look, maybe we shouldn't--

Berger: No! Please,...just go on. I will answer any question you have.

V: ...uh...(unintelligible mumbling)...wh...ok...then tell us...tell us how you
came up with the bass line for--

Berger: (suddenly belching the alphabet) AAA, BEE, CEE, DHEE, EHEE, EHFFF,
GEEEH--

v: (jumping up, stuttering) What's wrong with you?!

Berger immediately falls asleep, SNORING, -- falls out of his chair, bouncing
his head several times on the wood floor.

V: SWEET LORRAINE! WHAT IN THE--

Berger suddenly jumps to his feet.

Berger: BASSOONS!

Berger grins, hits himself in the face as hard as he can, knocks himself
backwards down a stairwell---sounds of glass breaking.

Berger: (unintelligible hollering)

More sounds:... the interviewer running away... Jumping jacks at the foot of the
stairs...sirens in the distance.